Sunday, February 12, 2006

Emptiness

There's nothing more meeting you at the end of the road but emptiness.

You could work you ass off your entire life and make yourself a multi-millionaire, kill someone else whom you deeply hate, but what do you feel but just mere emptiness. When the anger subsides, you feel more empty than ever, and start questioning why you even committed the act.

I hate him. And sometimes I'm not sure if I feel the same towards you or not. Because I once remembered how you clearly told me:

"If another girl comes into your life, I'll take the exit."

Promptly, clearly, straight-faced, right shot towards me. I understood, and was clear that I was never gonna let such a thing happen, and would do all precautions to steer clear of this possible scenario if I don't.

But I'm afraid the roles have reversed now. I can never understand why is it so hard for a girl to say 'No, please fuck off.' You say I'm bad tempered. But at least I've got integrity, at least I don't say something and mean another. At least I've always held my principles high up. At least I don't go in front of another and try to speak the gospel truth about someone else and act as some sort of fucking mediator when the person knows well enough he's merely playing afool with my mind. At least I don't do things like how a real wussy would, talking with his brainless ITE-manifested cells and acting all saint about it. You know whatever he's got to say now, I'm just gonna take it like a road-sweeper's mumbling to himself. If he respected us, he would have never done and said what he did and said. Because deep down inside that cracked heart of mine, I know for sure, that he is no more than a man no worthy of even the minor consideration of rather or not to respect him or not.

End of rant.

For now this is not just emptiness, this is more than just that.

posted@9:12 AM

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